Cracktastic
by faded blue
Summary: Series of Hyotei one-shots. Major crack.
1. Never Trust Red Gatorade

faded blue: I can't tell you enough times that red Gatorade is evil! I've had three incidents where it's attacked me, staining my birthday presents, my binder, my backpack, my laptop (the _n_, alt, and space keys are still sticky) and the notes I had for my final exams!

Warnings: Hints of yaoi

Pairings: Silver Pair (but not drastically)

--

**Cracktastic:**

**NEVER TRUST RED GATORADE**

"Hey Gakuto, you spilled your Gatorade on my bag again!" shouted Oshitari. "You have to stop jumping around so much inside. Luckily for me nothing's in it."

"Oh sorry, Yuushi," Gakuto began before he noticed something strange. "Hey wait a second…wasn't the Gatorade from last time the red kind?"

"I'd say so, my bag turned pink in some parts."

"And this time the Gatorade's red too…don't you know what that means?!" shouted Gakuto apparently spazzing.

"That I'm going to have to carry around a tennis bag with big pink spots on it again?" answered Oshitari sarcastically.

"No, that all red Gatorade is cursed!! OMFGSDFKJALGHMISO!!" yelled Gakuto, who was at this time waving his arms around and attracting a lot of attention.

"_Geez I hope he doesn't start jumping up and down, he's going to end up with a concussion,"_ thought Oshitari who started to worry even more about the mental health of his doubles partner, though he saw Hiyoshi in the corner of his eye. He seemed to be thinking of the same thing and muttering gekokujou while smirking.

"Hey spaz, what the hell is going on?" asked Shishido who appeared to be getting annoyed with the noise Gakuto was generating.

"RED GATORADE IS CURSED!!"

"…that's a new one."

"Well it is! One time I brought a bottle of red Gatorade to drink at tennis practice, but I ended up not drinking it! When I got home I put my backpack down on my bedroom floor and after an hour I noticed red stuff leaking out of it and I thought it was blood!! It freaked me out so much that I called paranormal inspectors to my home. After I went to greet them at the door I went back into my room, and it was gone! It couldn't have leaked because I put it in a pocket without anything else in it, and it was unopened!"

Suddenly a new figure "graced" everyone in the club room with his presence. "Don't you have maids? One of them would have cleaned it up."

"I asked and none of them said anything!!"

"Well you would have looked angry, so I doubt one of them would have taken the blame for it, Gakuto."

"Oshitari's right, stop overreacting, idiot."

"Well excuse me for hating ghost stories! But, one of you had to have some sort of experience with red Gatorade!"

"Actually…"

"What? You too Choutaro?"

"Well, I've had two. One of them was a prank. Someone mixed my shampoo with it. I think they were intending to turn my hair pink, but I noticed that it was different right away because the bottle was heavier."

"Really? Nice one Choutaro!"

"Thank you, Shishido-senpai."

"Earth to Shishido and Ootori, mind if I interrupt your gay moment so that Ootori can finish telling his second story?"

"Gakuto…" growled Shishido.

"Sorry, well the second time the cap was on too tight and I was trying too hard to open it. When I finally opened it sprayed me in the face."

"I see…" Gakuto began scribbling something in a notepad.

"Gakuto…where did you get that?"

"And why the heck are you writing stuff down?"

"Because, to conquer your fears you have to learn about them right. I was thinking that I could take notes about my paranormal experiences and learn about them!"

"That's dumb; you're just going to end up scaring yourself more!"

"Well excuse me for living Mr. I'm-Just-Jealous-of-Gakuto-Because-He's-Cooler-and-Better-Looking-Than-Me."

"SAY WHAT??"

As a big fight broke out between Shishido and Gakuto a figure huddling behind a chair scribbled something down in his notebook. "Ii data."

**End**

--

I hope you enjoyed this, I wasn't that satisfied with the sentences structure myself.

Gakuto's red Gatorade incident was based off my own. (Except mine happened at school and I had to clean it up. I think I snapped near the end because of the Gatorade "haunting" that have happened to me before and ended up scaring several people with my evil laugh.) However, I was reading Hyotei's profiles in 40.5 and one of Gakuto's dislikes is ghost stories. (That's where the "haunting" idea came from. His other dislike is his father."

Until next time


	2. Game Shows

faded blue: This is part of my Cracktastic series of one shots; I got this idea when I thought my friend was on Cash Cab and she was shouting out to me…but she was just asking for information about our class project. XD It's because I rarely get calls on my phone, so I was overly excited…

This is pretty short, hope you don't mind. I myself aren't that satisfied with it…but still…

Warnings: None

Parings: None (Unless you go further into why Shishido and Ootori are together and you have a dirty mind…)

--

**Cracktastic:**

**The Call**

"Good morning Mukahi-senpai, I have a question, did Atobe assign practice on the 16th? I think he did, but Shishido-san is here too and he disagrees with me, can you help?"

"W-what why are you calling me? GASP Are you on a game show?"

"…?"

"OMG WHICH ONE IS IT?? Jeopardy, Cash Cab, Deal or no Deal , Wheel of Fortune, Do You Want to be a Millionaire, Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly, Life??"

"…Mukahi-senpai, most of those don't even allow you to call someone...and the last three are board games."

"I've always wanted to be on Ninja Warrior, did you know that it's considered a game show?"

"Um….no-"Shishido grabbed the phone out of Ootori's hand violently before the latter could inspire Gakuto to greater craziness.

"Listen, we have to go, we're being…chased by a pack of mutant llamas wearing green scarves. Bye"

"Isn't it amazing how you can become a Ninja Warrior? Most of the guys that compete are gymnasts, I wonder if they'll invite me! There have been guys in high school! Hey that announcer guy is cool, how do you think he'll announce me? Maybe he'll say the red flash…"

--Beep--

"Shishido-senpai, do you think that he's okay?" asked Ootori gingerly.

"Whatever, isn't he usually like this?" Shishido responded in his I-couldn't-care-less tone.

"I guess, but somehow I still feel he's talking on the phone…it's giving me a creepy feeling, like he's a ghost trying to talk to us…"

"Quit thinking like that, Choutaro, you're going to scare yourself." Shishido rolled his eyes as he saw his doubles partner cringe in fear. "He's probably just going to get angry because we hung up on him, then he's going to bug Oshitari 

about it all day, and then he's going to take it to Atobe, then we're all going to run laps."

"Yeah, you're right…"

--

"-and you know there are American competitors too. I heard that it was being broadcast there and I found some episodes on YouTube. It was the UN version and the guy who was the narrator had a pretty cool accent, just like Harry Potter! Oh and did you know about the new movie being made in England? One of the guys who were going to play some kid in it got killed, sucks for him! This reminds me, Atobe and Kabaji went to primary school in England! Which one was it now? Prince's Primary School? Queen's Primary School? Duchess…"

**End**

--

Notes:

Atobe and Kabaji went to primary school in England before transferring to Hyotei elementary school division. (Hyotei's an elevator school which goes K-12.)

Yes, a guy from Harry Potter did die. Even though it sounded sort of cold when Gakuto said it, I really do feel sorry for him. R.I.P


	3. Let Your Servants Have a Vacation

faded blue: All of these are based on true stories. My dad's driving scares me. We drove to a furniture store and it scared me so much that I had to sit down in a chair the whole time.

I don't know Atobe's dad's name so I just made up a random one.

Disclaimer: I don't own PoT, and this is not based off Sponge Bob partially.

--

**Cracktastic: **

**Have Mercy-Let Your Servants Have a Vacation!**

"What do you mean that I have to let them off for a two week vacation?"

"Well…sir they've been working without a vacation for so long. I mean you pay well but…"

"Fine then, how much do you want?"

"E-excuse me?"

"How much will you take so I don't have to let them off?"

"Sir it's the law!"

"Come on just name a price!"

A heated argument began between the two men. You may be wondering who these two are. Well one of them is a tax collector who just happened to be the worst man to randomly assign to an assignment to enforce the law to a rich person. The other one just so happens to be the father of the richest student at Hyotei, Atobe Keigo.

As this argument went on and on, reinforcements came in to back-up the meek man in his quest to get Atobe Kazuhiko to listen. Finally, he subdued and released all of his servants for a two-week vacation. This left the three-person family without servants.

-The Next Morning-

"Hey Dad have you found your license yet? Ore-sama is getting bored."

"Yeah, I've found it Keigo. Now get in the limo."

"Just wondering…when was the last time you've driven anywhere?"

"Well if you're so curious, 1968 I believe."

"…"

"Well what's wrong now?"

"Can you still even drive?"

"Of course I've been watching our chauffeurs driving every day haven't I? Besides don't you know that you can never forget how to ride a bicycle? That's the same for a car."

"…whatever you say dad."

--

"STOP THE CAR WE JUST PASSED MY SCHOOL FOR THE 5th TIME!!"

"WELL WHICH ONE'S THE BREAK?"  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHICH ONE'S THE BREAK??"

"WELL THERE ARE TWO PEDALS HERE AREN'T THERE? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHICH ONE'S WHICH?"  
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID YOU COULD DRIVE ME TO SCHOOL!"

--

"WHERE ARE WE?"  
"LIKE I KNOW I'M JUST TRYING TO OUT RUN THE POLICE CARS!"

"AHHH WHATCH OUT FOR THAT CELLIST, SAKAKI-SENSEI WILL KILL ME IF YOU HIT HIM!! (1)

--

"ORE-SAMA DOES NOT APPRECIATE THIS BOUNCING AROUND!!"

"Well Keigo we're not exactly on the road anymore so I suggest you KEEP YOUR MOUT SHUT!!

--

"WHY ARE THOSE MONKEYS CHASING US?"

"JUST DRIVE DAD, DRIVE!!"

--

"We…finally…ran out…of…gas," gasped the man behind the wheel.

"Well, how am I supposed to get to school now? We're stuck in the middle of an effing FOREST!!"

-At Hyotei-

"Hey where you think Atobe was today? He's usually never sick. He even missed practice without a warning."

"How…irresponsible for a captain of over 200…" _Gekokujou_

"I'm worried about him."

"He's probably just trying to make all his fangirls worry too, so that they'll love him more tomorrow when he comes back. That attention whore."

"Hey look at those two people over there!"

"Oh, they both look exhausted, and strangely…Atobe like."

"Can it be that we're hallucinating?"

"Sugee let's take a closer look!" And so Jiroh bounded up to them.

"H-hey Keigo…it's… your…friend." collapse

"Huh…oh…J-Jiroh…" And he also collapsed.

-And then everything faded into black for Atobe-

"WHAT WHERE IS ORE-SAMA?"

"In the hospital. The doctor said that you and your father were suffering from exhaustion. Your dad's actually already better and he said that he would take you home as soon as you woke up."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

--

1) For those of you who don't know, Sakaki-sensei is also a music teacher…yeah this is my tribute to my dad almost running over the genius of my school orchestra…


End file.
